It is time to don my Criswell memorial prophetic mantle. Here are my predictions for 2013.

The reason Obama is now in favor of gay marriage will become evident. He will divorce Michele and marry Speaker Boehner.

Obama will intervene in Syria and Iran, it will not turn out well--one hundred thousand Christians will die in the Middle East.

On the British Royal pregnancy… It will be a boy.

Catholic hospitals all around the country will close, or at least not give their employees health insurance.

Obama will fast for Ramadan.

Bob Thiel will make a total fool of himself. (People outside of my own religious tradition will not know who this is, and they do not need or want to know. This prediction is almost 100% certain to occur as long as he does not die on New Year's Eve.)

All the goldbugs will continue to predict economic collapse. They will be wrong. The strength of the economic system will continue to amaze the naysayers. The dollar is headed up. In the US things will actually improve with modest growth. What do you expect to happen with the Fed printing 1 trillion dollars? Japan will implode, but not in 2013. Europe will implode as well, also not in 2013. The can will be kicked. Buy gold anyway. (Note I am not an investment advisor, but an unpaid satirist.)

Hillary Clinton will recover from her blood clots, and will host a new game show, "Win, Lose, or Drone."

The Beatles will reunite for a charity concert. Elvis will do one number.

There will be a security breach and the US moon bases will be revealed.

We will have another hot summer. This will continue for several years until the solar sun spot cycle moves on.

There is no picture of the Grover Mills incident, so this one from Roswell will have to do. An alien space ship will be discovered in Grover's Mill, NJ. The coverup and the pretending it was only a radio drama instead of a news program hosted by Orson Wells about Aliens landing in 1938 will be exposed. (Of course, most people will not believe the evidence.)

I predict that I will never again write a blog post at 11:30 PM on New Year’s Eve.